Tuesday, September 25, 2012

"You're officially a badass."

... says Project Alice (Milla Jovovich) to Rain's (Michelle Rodriguez) mild-mannered clone in "Resident Evil: Retribution", but lemme back up...
Actually, not necessary. Going to see Resident Evil was pretty much the sum total of my day after writing all morning. And not because there was nothing else playing.
I LOVE the Resident Evil franchise. I was incredibly bummed I was too busy make it to opening weekend in LA before I left, and I was stoked - STOKED - to see it had opened in Sydney as well AND that they had it available in IMAX 3D (even though I think 3D is crap.)
I had been trying to carve out time in Sydney to make it to the theater, and since today was super chilly and overcast, it was the perfect opportunity. I found the closest IMAX theater - a 3.7 km/47 min walk - and hoofed it. Why the hell would I walk that after bragging in my previous post about conquering the bus and train system? After sitting at my computer for 6 hours this morning, my body pretty much demanded it.
Things I noticed on my walk:
-Sydney sometimes feels a little like New York (I'll see you soon, big guy!).
-People in Sydney (Sydnians? Syds?)  walk at a decent pace, but I still walk waaay faster.
-Syds spend as much time on their iPhone, as I'm happy not to anymore- which is to say, tons. They walk and talk, walk and text, stop and text, text and text. Its intense.
-Traffic lights take forever here. I mean minutes and minutes. Forever.
-Syds rarely jaywalk. And they look at you funny if you do.
-In case you didn't know (I didn't), they right-side drive here. Now, I mastered this skill (for real) in the UK, but I was rarely a pedestrian, so I did NOT master the art of crossing the street in a right-hand driving society. Stella and I almost got killed several times this weekend as we crossed streets and it was easy to blame her for putting my life in danger. Now that I'm on my own and still almost dying on a regular basis, it's slightly harder to blame her. Needless to say, I've stopped jaywalking. Even though the traffic lights take forever.
I finally made it to the theater, which was part of this larger collection of entertainment venues (comedy, concert, Cirque du Soleil, everything). I'd missed lunch so I enthusiastically ordered a small popcorn (small = massive here. It was more popcorn than I've eaten in the last year in a tub bigger than my head.) and Slurpee along with my movie ticket. I paid the grand total of almost $40 Australian dollars slightly less enthusiastically.
Stella warned me well in advance about how expensive everything is here so when drinks were no less than $15 and burgers were $20, I was fine. Paying almost $40 for a movie (granted, IMAX 3D, but still), popcorn and a Slushee made me blink. I didn't even get nachos! Price notwithstanding, I actually got back in the concession line and tried to buy some nachos because, at that point, who gives a rat's ass- but they were out or something.
Boo.
Resident Evil was everything I expected, thank God. It barely made sense, looked so computer generated I wondered how many days they had of practical photography because it can't have been much, and Milla's hair looked completely different from scene to scene in a story that was supposed to take place over a 2 hour time period. I LOVED IT SO MUCH.
"Bianca, how the hell is that possible?" the whole world asks.
Fighting, guns, zombies, monsters, hideous dialogue, splatter gore, more fighting, cartwheels, industrial rock music, more fighting, bigger guns, and finally: MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ.
I love her. When I fantasize, I fantasize I'm her. She makes every movie better (don't ask me to prove that and don't try to prove me wrong, just accept it and please shut up). She is one of the rare actors I will go see a movie for because I know what I'm getting- a badass with great arms and a nice sneer.
God, I love her.
You know the only franchise I love more than Resident Evil? Fast & Furious. What do they have in common?
 

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